Women who wanted to be treated as equals but could not relate to the aggressiveness of present-day feminism, and men who never objected women’s equality and yet found themselves left out of a world created by radical feminism, could finally find in the book Lovism the word they were looking for to express their feelings and views. Both could say now, together, “I am not a feminist, I am not a men’s rights activist – I am a lovist. I support both sexes, not one. I support the other too, not merely myself.”
As the book reveals, men were never included in feminism as human beings, but rather, these humans were only “the patriarchy”. Because men were never seen in feminism as humans but only as a “force” to be defeated, when feminism became a Western framework for universal equality, in the West feminism became chauvinism – female anti-male chauvinism – since save for the womansplaining of men by radical feminism, men’s humanity and human needs were never part of feminism, now seen as the universal theory of equality. This left men with no venue for being supportive of equality without on the same note endorsing their own marginalization and dehumanization, causing some women to interpret men’s inability to identify as feminists as “being against women,” while men only required to be included as humans too in whatever perception of equality should the West perceive as universal – “universal” meaning applying to every human, both in decrees and in protections. All the while, in essence, most in both sexes in the past century in the West never intended to marginalize the other sex, but rather, had no universal equality-perception for their relations meant for both – one that marginalizes none and allows both sexes to endorse equality of both, together, in the same framework and statement. This, is lovism.
The book Lovism is critical of the assumptions of contemporary feminism, assumptions from which feminism deduced norms that transformed it into a dictating party, who enforces demands and codes that neither sex considers relevant to the relations between men and women. To replace the existing misconceptions generated in feminism, the book provides extensive yet accessible explanations with referenced data about the neuroscience of our sexuality, as only founded concepts can give rise to a perspective that attends to the actual needs of human beings, and to their emotions and dreams.
Instead of the forcefulness of feminism, what the book proposes is a conversation. Most men and most women yearn to have the conversation, to talk – in order to understand and to disclose. This is all what lovism as a philosophy of equality is – a conversation, where both men and women, instead of blaming and fearing each other, can reveal to one another their true feelings, hopes, dreams and pain, to create mutual understanding. A conversation upon which, norms and codes can arise through an open discourse between men and women rather than through a dictation to both. A conversation that creates for the first time, a shared philosophy of equality of both sexes, for both sexes.
If you want to find love and to give love, but all you find around you is anger, blaming and fear, and you wish that men and women could simply talk, then you are a lovist, and you are not alone.
“I grew up inside my head. Within my head the world looked differently, women were the strong ones, men were the idiots. I don’t know, this is what I concluded from TV and reality. A man woos the woman, the woman is the lioness who chooses. I didn’t understand the term Patriarchy. I regarded the feminist struggle as something I admire and I felt I have to do anything for women, they are goddesses. They are the most important thing, the smartest thing, I as a man was the stupid and there’s no way I will reach their level. I hated the position “a man.” And most of all, I was afraid, afraid of women… Fear of women was one of the first causes that started in me the depression… I was willing to hurt myself just so that a lady won’t be offended, I was willing to do for them anything… My question, and not as a man who tries to mansplain… is how this whole abandoned area is transformed, to something more organized, from which it is possible to learn a little more about the relations, feelings, consideration, and sex too” (A Facebook post published by a young man on August, 2019)
“My mother used to sing to me, ‘My little girl, don’t walk by yourself’, and it was such fun walking by myself. The injury was in a much closer place… Most of all, I feel sorry for us women, for finding nothing else to say or do other than shouting all day long that this is not the right way to approach us and how the world would be better off without men (who are beloved and sweeter than sweet in my eyes). By do I mean, to pass laws, to educate (children and adults alike, but without self-victimization), to go back a little to a more restraint approach on the news, to learn what intimacy is, to respect a person – any person – and especially opening up the conversation and not closing it down by saying we don’t need men in the world… I’m sorry but this is my opinion, with love” (A comment by an anonymous woman under the name “Only love can prevail,” August 2020)
Lovism is conversation as a paradigm. The conversation can and should take place on social media, in online forums, in public places such as universities or your local library or coffee shop or pub. Groups of men and women sitting together and opening up, not in order to blame, overpower or hurt as done in feminism, but to find empathy and to gain and create understanding. So that a broader culture of norms and codes, founded on consideration in both directions, could form, and not by spreading fear, but based on love. Only love can create understanding and consideration. Spreading fear and blaming can never achieve that, as these only turn a wheel of perpetual pain.
The stage is yours. Please start talking.
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